heart's cry

Beloved, this country is wrecking me. Jessica and I asked you to break us in that Taipei prayer sess, and sometimes I wonder why I pray things like that. Lord, I am weary. I am broken. I am helpless here. Yet you are faithful, you are sovereign, you know about this place. You were here before I got here, and you will remain. Lord, the children... Save the children. Christ, I am begging you, I am pleading with you, pull them out of darkness and into your light. You are a God of compassion; my weeping is nothing compared to the anguish in your heart when you see your little ones suffering without your hope. I am at a loss, I am so weak and so wretchedly unable to do anything for the children. I am desperate for your comfort right now, as I rock here, broken and discouraged. I cry out to you, Lord, because you sustain me. You endure, you press on, even when I cannot and when I lose hope. You are faithful, your love remains, and you are sovereign. Christ, I cannot even type this prayer for the tears. Your love for these people has captivated my heart all over again. You are the most beautiful love, you died for them as much as you did for me. You desire them to know you. Thank you for bringing me here. Thank  you for showing me a glimpse of your heart for the poor. You are the everlasting God, you do not faint and you won't grow weary. No power of hell and no scheme of man can ever take me away from you, you have captured my heart and I am yours forever. If you want me to come back here, I will. In my weakness I am overwhelmed and I desire to run. I desire to flee and not subject my failing heart to this pain, but I will remain for you are faithful. Lord, I have never felt this sort of pain, like my heart is being torn away from me. Pain over lost relationships and broken covenants and changing situations is nothing in comparison to the pain that you feel for your people. Compassion hurts, Jesus, but you have endured the pain. I give my heart to you, all over again, for I cannot bear it alone, and you do not desire me to. Jesus, I love you. You are my bridegroom, I am yours completely. Jesus, you are all this heart is living for. "Forever, my God, you reign on high with wisdom and power, glory divine. Forever you're father and son and you're spirit in one, it's a mystery I can't deny. Forever your mercy fills my soul, for by the cross you've made me whole. Forever I'm justified, I' being sanctified, set apart for your glory, oh Lord. Forever I'm yours." I love you. Use me as you will. And let us all be faithful to fulfilling your mission on this earth, whatever that means, Lord. We will do it. I love you.