Hello. J I am much more coherent today… at least I hope I am. I think that I need to finally tell you about this week and explain what prompted my last post. I am on emotional/spiritual/physical overload, so it might take some telling… Hang in there with me.
On Monday all 10 of us plus some of the DC Cam staff piled into our van and drove out to a province for our last big interview. It was with a man named Him Hoy who was a guard at Toul Sleng. While he only admits to actually killing one person, he served in the army against the Lon Nol government and his name appears on countless documents that sign off on the torture and execution of countless people.
My group was asked to conduct the interview, so Lauren and Jessica tag-teamed the questions and Tiffany and I took notes, picture and video. The interview lasted for two and a half hours, and we got a lot of really good stories and information from him. We did not think that he was being honest with us at all times; it was for sure the story that he wanted us to hear. Other than that, though, it went well. He served us water bottles and tea and sat with us up in his house, not underneath it (which is where the rest of the interviews were held). It was strange to look at the pictures of his son’s wedding on the wall and sip the water he bought for us while he told us stories about clubbing a man to death over a mass grave… I handled it well until the interview was officially over and he had the audacity to say that if it weren’t for the war he would have been able to have more than nine children… Because of him, thousands of people never even had the chance to think about children, and here he is complaining that he could not have had more. It broke me because he was in all ways the victim in his mind. He had to follow rules in order not to be killed himself. That was his rational for everything. He had no guilt and no responsibility. It was a sobering time, to say the least. The last thing we asked him was what he wanted to have peace and his response was, “I will have peace when you stop asking me questions.” So we stopped.
That night, the majority of the class went back to the amazing Indian/Nepalese restaurant that had calmed my stomach a few days before. The food was great, and over dinner Kosal asked me about sorority life. (I am the most out-spoken sorority girl in my group, but there are 4 of us total) The other four and the rest of the non-affiliated girls got all riled up over their grivences with their own houses or sororities in general, and I sat there defending my sisters and getting really excited for recruitment school… I am strange. But I think that Alpha Delta Pi is a different kind of sorority. I truly do care for each and every one of my sisters. After that lively conversation, we went to a grocery store and then went home.
Tuesday we spent from 9am to 5pm at the Extraordinary Chambers of the Courts of Cambodia (ECCC) which is the UN sponsored court that is currently trying some of the heads of the KR regime. The man on trial now was actually Him Hoy’s boss. He was a polite, well-spoken grandpa man who in the last decade has converted to Christianity. There is so much I could say about the court, but just know that it was really cool, different than anything that I have ever done, really interesting, and a little bit heart-wrenching. I found it very hard to be mad at Duch, the man on trial. I have forgiven him, and I don't know if that is because he has sought it or if it is just hard to be mad at a sweet little man with reading glasses and his pants up around his rib-cage… Our missionary friend Ken says that he believes Duch really has given his life to Christ, which makes me really happy… imagine how much relief you and I feel when we realize that we are forgiven of, oh, I don’t know… telling a lie, or drinking too much, or having pride in our hearts… and this man is able to claim Christ’s sacrifice to cover the weight of 14,000 people’s deaths. That is a huge burden lifted, and a soul set free. My Jesus died to save him, and he realized it.
Tuesday night we were going to try to connect with the team from Azusa again, but ended up being drained from the trial. Tiffany, Jessica and I did a new believer follow-up Bible Study, and you should have seen Tiffany just getting all lit up over the truths about her relationship with Christ… The beauty of a heart captivated by Christ is unspeakable. Ahh, it was so good.
Wednesday we went back to the court in the morning, but only stayed until lunch. Kosal was so angry with the process because the lawyers were asking stupid questions just to waste time, and they were not getting anywhere. We came back to DC Cam and watched footage from their archives: images from the only white reporter who was allowed into Cambodia during the regime and a recording of a DC Cam play called “Breaking the Silence.” When it was over, we were drained. The DC Cam director, Youk, invited us up onto the roof of the building to enjoy some fresh fruit (pictures later, the fruit is SO crazy looking! But so yummy!) and some home-cooked Cambodian food. They were so kind to us the whole time that we were there… They really went out of their way to make us feel like family. I would love to go back and work with them again.
We are now getting to the part in the story that prompted the last post. Lauren wanted to go to the supermarket, and there was no way that I was going to let her go by herself, so we got a tuk-tuk from DC Cam to head over there. On the way, we had to wait at an intersection to make a U-turn before pullin up in front of the market. Sitting on the meridian dividing the road was a little boy, no more than 5 or 6 years old, barefoot and dirty, holding a little baby in a sling on his side. He stood up in the foot between our tuk-tuk and the wall and started to beg for money.
This is not the first time that I have been approached here by children begging for money, but it had not been like this before. I had just got done telling Lauren that I was weary. I was saying how I had never been in a place like this, and how it was draining me. The interviews, the courts, the children… it was all starting to get to me, and then I was tired inon top of that. When our tuk-tuk began to pull forward, the boy held on and ran along side of it. I started saying, “No, no, no, no… don’t do this, please…” We stopped again, and on the right side of me came a little girl, between lanes of traffic. She could not have been older than 8, and she also had a baby on her hip. I looked into the intersection and saw another boy… There were children all over the street, with their younger siblings on their hips, begging for money. Apparently this is a common practice. The parents send their children out to get money. If the kid brings back something, the parents gamble it away and send them out again, if they don’t bring anything back, they are punished. It is a no win situation.
The little boy was close enough to me that I could have reached over to take the child from him and pull him into the tuk-tuk. He gazed at me with deep, pleading, heart-breaking eyes, and I lost it. I completely broke down… I started crying; sobbing in the open tuk-tuk. We finally turned around and pulled up to the store. When we got out of the tuk-tuk, a little girl asked for money and a little boy came up to me and grabbed onto my bag. He looked up at me (I was still crying) and asked for help. Lauren put her arm around me and ushered me away from the boy and into the air-conditioned, brightly lit store. I looked around and all I saw were upper-class Cambodians and foreigners, buying $7 swiss chocolate and evian water… such a stark contrast to what I had just walked away from.
Lauren did her shopping and I picked up some candy for Niro and then sat and cried some more. I was attracting all kinds of weird looks, but I couldn’t help it. I was devastated.
When we got back to the hotel I went to Jessica and Tiffany’s room. I walked in and Hillson “None but Jesus” was playing on Jessica’s computer… I broke down again. We then proceeded to sit for about 30 minutes and cry out to God, sing worship songs, pray, and talk…
This has not been the easiest semester for me… most of you know all about it, but with my family’s situation of living in two cities, breaking up with my boyfriend of a year and a half, being on ADPi exec, leading a trip to the UK, my brother getting ready for boot camp and my best friend preparing for her wedding, there have been many things to think about and process through. I have cried a lot, I have prayed a lot, I have sought wisdom, and I have given my heart to my Jesus again and again. (Praise him for he is faithful.) It was amazing to me, though, because the pain I felt when I saw those little children was exponentially greater than the pain I have felt this entire season.
Christ is moved to tears because of the compassion that he has for his people, the sheep of his pasture. I have prayed for his heart before, which has caused me to weep for the lost, but it has never been this intense. The lost in America are my sorority sisters, my classmates, my friends. They are living without hope, but they are not destitute. Their state is just as far from the Lord as the children in Cambodia, but they have never made me feel his pain as deeply. They have so much less of an excuse than the little ones… Pain motivated because of compassion hurts in ways that I did not know I could hurt. It had nothing to with me, yet I felt it in the core of my being. I physically ached with a longing to wrap my arms around those children and usher them into His presence… and I was powerless to do so. I did not even know how to respond.
That night Jessica and I went out with Ken, the missionary, again. He took us to a church-sponsored English class, and then to a continuation house for children who have grown up in his provincial orphanages and are now attending university in Phnom Penh. We got to worship with them and fellowship and pray together, and it was like a healing balm on my heart. Jessica put it best: God was present in this place before we got here, and He will endure and continue here after we leave. He knows what he is doing, and he has a plan for this country. I am blessed to have experienced even a sliver of His heart for the poor… I understand a little more about my Beloved now than I did, and I am so grateful for that. Oh, and cool side note, my friend Nick might be planning a missions trip back to Cambodia in December… So God really is stiring hearts to come to this place, and I have so much hope in his eternal perspective. Pray for the kids at SJSU as they decide whether or not they should be coming later this year!
Thursday was a relaxed day. We toured the Royal Palace, ate at our favorite restaurant, and got caught in a rain storm as we were traveling to a Christian book store by tuk-tuk… Adventures! Love it! J Jessica got a Bible in Khmer, I got Hilsong in Khmer, and Tiffany found her Cambodian Cross necklace… She is so in love, you guys. She is hard core excited about Jesus. She even has a list of people that she wants to share him with already and she is only a week old in her faith! Love it!
That afternoon we watched our last documentary, and then DC Cam threw a party… They roasted two cows for us, which is quite the feast, and hung out with us. Kosal came up to me about 5 minutes before the party was about to start and said, “Christina, they are going to want someone to say something to start off the reception… I assume that you will want to say something?” haha… Oh Kosal. I have become the spokesperson and organizer of the group… big surprise, right? J So, as soon as the director came out, I thanked the whole staff on behalf of our class (they really did take such good care of us) and then they gave me the first cut of meat… it was soo good.
DC Cam has summer interns who are law students, and one of them is here with his fiancé… in talking to them, I found out that the fiancé is my sister! As in, she is a Pi member in Alpha Delta Pi! She was the cutest thing, a tiny blonde elementary school teacher in New Orleans. She and I exchanged some secret ADPi signs, and then we took a diamond picture… it was amazing. I was so excited.
The night ended with packing and then an epic Karaoke marathon at a fancy hotel. Five of us girls went along with about 15 to 20 people from DC Cam. It was hilarious. The Cambodians are so classy and reserved and traditional when they are dancing to Khmer songs, but then when some popular American songs came on, they ‘got low’ the same way any frat guy at an exchange would… It was amazing. I have never seen one of my professors have such a good time. Wow.
We are now in Siem Reap, Kosal’s home town and the city that holds Angkor Wat, a really famous and old temple. After tons of drama over the 5am hotel departure, we are all happily lounging by the pool and relaxing before an afternoon of touring and exploring.
Sorry this is so long… I had a lot to tell you all. J I love you so much, thank you for letting me know that you love me. Your prayers and words of encouragement mean the world.
Till next time…
~His
PS~ Because we are at a hotel without free wireless, I have to limit my time online… I typed this in a word doc this morning, and now (Friday night) I am getting on to post, so I figured I would just add on… We spent the morning at the pool today (and, yes, I got quite sunburned. Grr. Its my own fault, but I hate this feeling.) We then went to a yummy lunch/snack, shopped a little, and explored Angkor Wat, the beautiful and very famous temple. Tonight we went to what felt like the Cambodian equivalent of a Luau… except instead of dancing they preformed traditional Apsara dances. (Google it, it is really cool)
Two prayer requests, on top of everything: 1) We only have like three full days together, but tensions in the class are running high. There were harsh words and tears today. Pray for soft hearts and peace in our group. 2) Niro asked me today if she could be a part of my community at SC (!!!) and come to Crusade/AGO/Bible Study stuff. She is Catholic, and her fiancé is Muslim and her family is Buddhist… she loves Jesus, but I am not sure how well she knows him… pray for her heart and for a revelation of truth. Ok, I am sorry this is so long! Love you all.
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